Finding Acceptance

If I had to come up with a theme for this week, that would have to be it. From the very disheartening diagnosis I received of marginal placenta previa to the loss of my most beautiful dream home, disappointment has seemed to be lurking around every corner. Here I had been thinking (and occasionally professing) that I was so “detached” from the outcome of this birth; that I had already had three amazing home births, that I had gotten everything I could possibly want or need out of the birthing experience and that I was ready to let this one unfold in the way it was meant to. Nothing like finding out that life has different plans than the ones I have been elaborately constructing in my fantasies to make me realize that I actually had quite a number of expectations for this birth.

There is a passage in a favorite book of mine that talks about serenity being inversely proportional to one’s expectations, and over the last few years that has definitely proven true for me. The same passage suggests that acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today, and that, too, has proven true, or at least it has on those wonderful occasions when I can actually reach a place of acceptance.

I seem to be moving toward acceptance with all the news I received this week. Thank you to all my friends and family for giving me your shoulders to cry on and for allowing me to have my feelings of fear and of grief and of disappointment before prodding me on to the solution (which, in each case was that simple and yet oh so elusive acceptance). I am so grateful to have people in my life who can allow me to be where I’m at, as their acceptance helps me to accept myself, and that enables me to move on to the next step.

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~ by jenzai on April 13, 2008.

3 Responses to “Finding Acceptance”

  1. What makes you my hero, though, is how you accepted the feelings you were having before acceptance came, and went through all the feelings you needed to feel. See so that’s like meta-acceptance, right? You inspire me.

  2. […] the way fantasy has been popping into my life. My friend Jenny had this lovely blog post she wrote after a an ultrasound showed that she might have to have a cesaerean or at least a […]

  3. Jenny: sorry to hear the news, but as a two-time Cesarean birther (and co-author of a manual on Cesarean deliveries), I would like to reassure you that surgical births can be every bit as spiritually uplifting and meaningful and inspiring as any other variety. Of course, I never got to have a home birth, nor even a vaginal delivery, but the events were both stupendous nonetheless. At least if you have to have one it’s for a real reason–a life-saving reason–rather than the essentially random opting-out that accounts for the obscene number of Cesareans in this country. My son’s immense cranial capacity, which no doubt explains his vast creativity (says mom, grinning from ear to ear), exceeded my pelvic capacity by several centimeters, so I had no choice, either. I probably did with my daughter, but she was born nearly 29 years ago, before VBACs were either common or generally available. So my advice is to turn the potential into a non-issue. Shit happens. Cesareans happen. Babies are born, and they’re glorious. Thank the technology for letting you the possibilities in advance, and let it go. Nurse her in the recovery room, walk your ass off after surgery, and get Patrick to haul her around for a week. After that, there’s little difference at all.

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