My own personal egg timer

I woke up fat this morning. This is puzzling because I’m quite sure that I don’t eat in my sleep and when I went to bed last night I could have sworn I was practicing love and tolerance of my postpartum body. For the most part I have been so patient and compassionate with myself this pregnancy, allowing myself to rest when tired, eating the things I’m hungry for without worrying about fat/calorie content, and exercising when it feels good to exercise, instead of in a “I’ve been possessed by demons” kind of way. I’ve felt similarly patient with myself since I had the baby, like there’s plenty of time to worry about getting back into shape, like there’s no need to worry about that now. A timer must have gone off in my head while I was sleeping, though, because I woke up feeling like I had to loose at least twenty pounds pronto and not wanting to see myself in the mirror.

This happens quite frequently, actually. Not the feeling fat part (at least not anymore, thank God) but the timer going off part. It happens in conversations all the time. I’ll be chatting with someone on the phone, maybe even answering a question that person asked me and BRRRRINNNNGG! The timer goes off and time’s up: no more talking about Jenny. I could be driving down the road, content with life, and suddenly BRRRINNNNGG! Whatever current issue it is that I thought I had come into acceptance over is suddenly unacceptable and something has to be done about it RIGHT NOW. It’s weird. It was an acquaintance of mine who gave me the metaphor of the timer – he calls it an egg timer – which is comforting because I know that there is at least one other person on the planet who is wired like I am.

I don’t know what triggers the timer, how to stop it or what it means. As Patrick pointed out to me, however, waking up fat has got to be better than waking up a bug.

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~ by jenzai on September 26, 2008.

11 Responses to “My own personal egg timer”

  1. I’ve had that timer too, and even described it that way, so there’s yet another person out there. The reference specifically to an EGG timer is interesting (visual references related to birth, etc. aside). An egg timer only allows 3 (?) minutes, which isn’t much for talking or most certainly for losing weight. 😉 Perhaps even a simple substitution of a regular old digital timer, reset for a more realistic amount of time, is called for.

    It may seem as if I’m joking, but I’m actually serious, as hokey as it may sound/read. If disconnecting the egg timer from yourself altogether is not possible right now, perhaps the visualization/creation of a more realistic time period, on *your* terms, would help. I know that visualizing new “scripts” or beliefs is helpful to me. Thinking about it is one thing, but a visual goes even further for me. Acting it out somehow even more so. Hey, in your free time, you could create some piece of artwork along these lines. 😉 You know, before the timer goes off.

    Hmmm. Just a thought. :/

    ______________________________

    jenzai’s note: yes! adjusting the time on the timer can be quite effective! I started writing about that, but ran out of time and had to cut the post short, ending with the silly Kafka reference instead. For instance, with Georgia the “time to get in shape” buzzer went off sometime while I was taking a shower the night she was born I believe, so at least it’s nice to see a little progress here.

  2. Who is this mysterious acquaintance of which you speak? Hmmnm. My green-eyed eggtimer just went off. Interesting. Apparently when the buzzer sounds, reason shuts off, the inner eye narrows to a fine slit and the world begins to look something like Munch’s “The Scream”

    O.K. Now I have talked to you on the phone and I remember exactly who this person is and I feel quite the fool. If there a repair shop that you can recommend where I can get my broken timer looked at? Preferrably somewhere that serves Thai food?

  3. Oh, not a silly Kafka reference at all. I forgot to mention it, but I thought it was pretty funny, even if it’s not necessarily true. Spoken like someone who has never woken up fat, I suspect…! 😉

  4. I’ve been thinking on this, and I think I am familiar with the egg timer. So often when my egg timer goes off, I’ve been ignoring signals for a while. So it seems like it went from ok to not ok instantaneously, but hindsight points to little things that were indicating not-okness that I had been pushing aside until I reached a critical point. Which may not be exactly what you’re talking about, but I feel so betrayed by how suddenly I can flip from one experience to the other. I could use a snooze button on my timer, though…

    ———————————–
    j says: But acting as if it hit me out of the blue is so much more DRAMATIC!

  5. OMG IT HAS A NAME?!?!

    So recently I went through a severe attack of “holy crap when did I start looking my actual age” and the Brujo did not understand, at all–“you’re gorgeous, babe,” etc., and other lose-lose helpful reassuring non-comprehending bromides; and it has been only slighly ameliorated by last weekend’s trip to Santa Fe, during which I somehow miraculously didn’t look quite so elderly.

    Then I realized that the bathroom lights here in the Slumlord’s house, AND the bathroom lights at school, are all evil green fluorescents; and these are the only two places I ever see myself; so I only ever see myself looking like Meg Ryan in the first act of Joe vs. the Volcano.

    Alors, I still wake up fat; but at least I don’t wake up looking like Addie Bundren; and the point of this is….I have no idea. Just the beautiful insularity of our inner egg-timers, I guess. Their profound, serene solipsism. Usually no one else interprets their irrefutable data quite as direly as we do, the fools.

    Frankly, I’d rather wake up as a bug.

  6. I am absolutely sure I would rather wake up fat, at least the fat get better gym memberships…

  7. Let’s all move back to New Mexico! I’m already doing some on-line house hunting there in my spare time. (ha ha! that bit about spare time was funny.)

    It pains me greatly to admit that I had to google Addie Bundren. I can’t even blame it on pregnancy brain anymore.

  8. And then this morning I woke up EVIL. How did that happen?!? PS don’t feel bad about Addie Bundren, who would know? She’s dead for most of the book anyway. But the B. and I have an idea for a sitcom based on As I Lay Dying (Meet Mrs. Bundren!) so soon everyone will know.

  9. And now *this* morning my eggtimer informs me that I somehow look both fat *and* too skinny. How is this even POSSIBLE?! The witness has been discredited.

  10. wow. I’ve done too fat and too skinny in the same day but never at the same time. It could be that someone not only screwed with your timer but fucked with your dials while you were sleeping.

  11. sorry. i just realized how very wrong that sounded!

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