Why?

Why did I leave the safe harbor of ebby.com and venture out into the murky waters of the Internet? I should have known that I would only find heartache and 50 million more reasons why I’m a looser. Here I had been doing so well, keeping my eyes on God (mostly – not counting when my eyes were scanning the horizon for my next dream house) and not getting caught up in the daily beating that surfing the Internet can sometimes feel like to me. No facebook, no blog hopping, no feeling like a schmuck as I compared my overwhelmed and depressed insides to other people’s hyper-productive and have-it-all-together outsides. And then, in a moment of weakness, forgetting my weakness, I went here and saw this. She makes me want to throw myself off a cliff. How do other women manage it?

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~ by jenzai on July 6, 2009.

14 Responses to “Why?”

  1. Dearest: not only should one not avoid comparing insides and outsides (you know that!) but it goes like ten times over for not comparing insides with what others project onto the INTERNET. Of course if you want to compare comparisons? Your absence from the non-ebby-net had me picturing you and your golden-haired girls frolicking joyfully in sun and chlorine while the people in my house skulk about and hide from each other behind screens so, really, who’s the loser?

    I mean. Ahem. There are images on this here website to send one searching for a suitable cliff for hurtling from, only I have a better idea. We can slowly expose our overwhelmed and dismayed insides to just a little bit of sunlight and realize that, oh, yes, other people sometimes feel overwhelmed and despairing, and then remember that they have friends to call who make them laugh and laugh and then things aren’t quite as bad.

    Love you.

  2. oh my god…that orange site is so cool. I’m totally with you on this one. I couldn’t help thinking. Well, that’s it…what have I been doing with my life? clearly nothing. i want to live on etsy. I can’t go there…it’s a death trap for the mind…any anyway…those limes filled with red jello would just end up all over the white carpet…just turn the sprinkler on, push them outside and have another cup of decaf.

  3. But did you see how many children she has? Did you notice that she homeschools all of them? I want to hate her, but she looks like someone we might be friends with (if we were all Mormons and living in Utah that is.)

    Don’t even get me started about Jessica Jones and How About Orange…

    You guys are so good to me, though. Thanks for the reality check.

  4. Hmmmm. Maybe it’s just because I’m not a big fan of jello, or foods that look cute but aren’t especially tasty–and maybe it’s that I think the vases on the first blog are kind of ugly, and a lot of the designs too simple for my taste–but I really don’t get how you can compare your awesome, gorgeous, real and compelling blog with those other ones and feel bad.

    I’m glad it got you to post again, though. (-:

  5. I can totally relate! I love seeing the creative work of others but I can spend more time looking at others’ work than creating my own. And then I feel like I am not ENOUGH.

    I am not just saying this because you are my friend, but you are an amazing artist!!! I love how you combine so many different elements and textures in your 2D and 3D work. Plus you bring such insight and intellect to everything you do. I’m also so impressed that you are pursuing your art while raising four girls. You inspire me!

  6. I mentioned your post to Brandon last night and thought you might enjoy his comment: “Why doesn’t Jenny go on the internet and look at crappy inferior blogs?” For your consideration. There *are* tens of thousands of them out there.

  7. Great idea, Virgie! I could even create a new category for my blogroll. I’ll call it “Crappy, Inferior Blogs”.

  8. Dude. I was thinking “The Schadenfreude Blogroll” and a mercilessness surpassing cake wrecks.

  9. BWAHAHAHAHAHA do it and we will all laugh hysterically and love you the more.

    (And NB by the way that a blogpost she is a-comin’, yes; and thank you so so much for the prompts and good cheer; and then there will be a change of venue/format perhaps…but at least you can rest assured I will never post recipes involving mini chocolate chips, lime halves and a SKEWER.)

  10. If I didn’t think it would totally destroy any spiritual growth I might have managed over the last few years, I would be ALL OVER THAT SHIT. Trust me.

  11. The thing is, those “wonderwomen” NEVER write about the icky parts of their lives…and you can be sure there are icky parts. Just like the children’s book says, “everybody poops.”

  12. okay, let me first say i’m so totally glad to find you back. your unique voice has been missed here on the interwebs: inferior, superior, michigan, huron…oh, wait…

    puhLEEESE do not make comparisons – it’s apples and potatos. you are so you and they are just them. you don’t need to prove anything – look, i barely know you and i find you delightful – even your self-tormenting is so thoroughly honest i can barely bear it.

    breathe! and keep on keeping on. even strangers can see that you are a fucking GEM.

  13. I’d take your stuff any day over most of the silly ass things people make and post blogs on. Sorry, kiddo, but I was decidedly not impressed by the itsy bitsy (and useless and jello-using) “watermelons.” Fortunately, I don’t have all that much time these days to drift around on the internet finding blogss with troops of adoring responders or minions, and have only because of this not become depressed about the fact that I don’t get read much. But we both have something to offer the blogosphere (you probably more than I, because you’ve got an actual life, with actual kids who haven’t grown up and left town), so I suggest sitting back and enjoying the fact that we do love you and your stuff. And I do like the schadenfreude blogroll idea: Blogs of Reason, Blogs of Beauty, and Blogs of Bloody Excess (my version).

  14. Cool images!!

    And fyi, since you asked me to keep you posted about the homeless interview on The Story, it’s airing THIS FRIDAY NIGHT at 9pm on KERA 90.1. šŸ™‚

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